The Before Pirie:

I grew up in a very challenging home, where I was raised by an emotionally and physically abusive schizophrenic mother and a workaholic father. Living in an extremely unstable environment, I learned limiting beliefs such as, “I am only loved if I am the perfect child and I never fight back.” “I’m not able to ask for what I want and need and yet be safe.” “I can only take care of everyone else, never me.” I also acquired unhealthy patterns that kept me in the role of being a victim. The result? I had no idea who I was or what I wanted or needed. I became a chameleon of sorts. In order to be loved, I would ask, “who do you want me to be so you will love me?”

For most of my life, I was in emotional pain that included mental and physical breakdowns. Most of my closest friends were completely unaware. I learned to hide my secrets. I didn’t know how to ask for help, instead, I put a fake smile on my face and pretended everything was ok. I learned how to cope in a very inauthentic and dysfunctional way. I was married and divorced 4 times, I was hooked on prescription pills because I was so depressed and in so much pain, which led me to do the unthinkable… I tried to end my life. I am a suicide survivor.

My personal life was a mess because I didn’t know how to love myself. I was looking for love outside of myself. No one ever told me I was lovable just being me. I never felt that I was enough. I learned how to perform for love. I accomplished a lot in my career as a television personality because I could pretend. No one knew how broken I was on the inside. Disguised by a successful career, my lack of self-esteem, unworthiness and unhappiness led me down a path of personal destruction.